I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
