I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
