so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
