Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Tell her she can't have a vagina
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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