Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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