Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
