My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
