Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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