And the cops told us we were all naked.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
