Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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