I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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