I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
