There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was confusing and full of hummus
do herpes really smell.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize