honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
