I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
