We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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