im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
