the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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