She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
