alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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