Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
