I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
