I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
