This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
