we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
