Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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