Say something about gay babies.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
