Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
