I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
