I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
