I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
