.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
