someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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