Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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