so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
