this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
