sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
