No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm passing your future prison.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
