I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it because I queefed?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
