Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
