Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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