Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
