I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it glows. i had to have it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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