Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
