this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
