Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
