Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
