I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
