Betty ford says i'm here all night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
