i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
