U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
