this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
