I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
