I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
