you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
