he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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