I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
